Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My vagina just clenched in fear
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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