Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
whose parrot is this?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
