I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
