She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
