After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
