he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
