i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
