I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
