I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
