i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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