We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
