he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
