i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
