Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
