Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
