oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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