when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
