It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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