She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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