I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
