There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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