Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
