Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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