I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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