I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
