she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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