You smell like a Billy Joel song
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
