i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
