That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I just sharted jello shots
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
