I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
