Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
