Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
