An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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