i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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