i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
