He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
