The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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