what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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