I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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