Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
