dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
