mondays should just be called national damage control day
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
