And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
