Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
