im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My life is pants optional.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
