I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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