i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
