It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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