its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
