i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
