Cold hands, warm shart.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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