I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She said her name was "party"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
