Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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